Thursday, September 29, 2005

Its just one of those days!!

This is the first one I wrote just for the sake of adding on to my posts..Rest all came out direct dil se...although this one too is from my heart...but I forced it this time...go read now:

Was listening to Break Stuff:

"Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why
But want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!"

It might look like another uncensored perverted shitty LimpBizkit songs.....but its not just that...atleast not for me!!This is life...the way it has shaped and turned and twisted fun,no excitement,no joy,no enthusiasm,no exultation,no jubilance,no exhilaration,and this song,every morning like my cellphone alarm is there to remind me this,to remind me that I'm a part of an institution which I once aspired to be a part of,and though I do not regret this at all,coz I know my efforts still are gonna pay,maybe a li'l late,maybe four years down the lane....but considering the present scenario, all that Jazz that used to be seems history,a mere bygone, and this is what is DeFactoLife for me!!

And here's where I remember Murphy's Law,(can't help stating this,its my fave),it says "If anything can go wrong,it will"...and it does...doesnt it?

But then I remember someone said Murphy was the biggest optimist...Oh yess he was...somebody,or maybe everyone might think I'm in swindler's paradise now..making absolute contradictory statements.....but I seriously think he was....and thinking on the lines of Break Stuff,i feel,even enfuses positivity in one!!!Asking me how??Ask yourself.....

# Hasn't the day been really disappointing when you woke up with a lot of expectations and things were
not upto the level you expected 'em to be?
# Or havent you been tempted by a performance which you expected to be intolerable?
# How many times have you set a standard and been able to overperform?

Expectations are the root of all evil...To hope against the hope hopen(read that in some junior class poem) is what is the cause of all miseries...when we know things cannot be better,why do we spend most of our lives waiting for improbable miracles to happen?I know I'm being a little philosophical there(thats what i plan to take as an elective so am practising) but thats what truth is...atleast thats what my truth is....
And this doesnt mean to leave all hopes...and to stop setting targets....but only to stop expecting!!!And I might sound way too religious if I refer to the same old Bhagwad Geeta saying we listen to 'n' times everyday!!
I know I would never be able to implement all this ever and I agree this turned a bit TOO PREACHY...but can't think of anything better than ending it with this......"Hope for the best,And prepare for the worst!!"

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

There was a gal!!

This one..i wrote partially in a fest and partially thats not one of those getting-bored-in-class-thereby-writing articles..And any resemblance to any character living(me in particular) is purely coincidental......

Once upon a time,there was a,decently beautiful,with one unforgettable surreptious smile,and best of all,she wasnt commited!!But the story does not start until he comes.....from one not-so-alien institution.He was not-so-handsome,moderately intelligent,overfriendly perhaps,somewhat smart,perhaps too smart for his ass!!So this average guy with everything but confidence near to average sees the girl and falls for her at the first time wasnt love at first sight,"i don't believe in anything like that" was wat he used to say but on second thoughts it was no less than that,making him reconsider his statement times and again!!!!!

Then one fine day....he gets her contacts and sends her messages...not direct ones but lets say by body gestures n via his so called friends....n she returns the emotions...probably just a misunderstanding on his behalf,just a wrong perception....but he had to try anycase..his testesterone provoking him to gather the guts to talk to her....and so does he........and the response he gets was decent...atleast good for starters!!!
And all died out...somewhat from both the sides...him trying a miniscule bit and she....not even caring!!!Probably she thought it was being too much...but the dilemma that coiled in his mind extended a bit too much...'to try or not to,that was the question'.....
Would it be too much if he calls her up...what if he asks her out...would she reply with the same smile of hers....even a negation but the smile to cover it up....
But something was seriously wrong and he knew it...rather both of them did...and so it all ended...atleast it looks like it has....wish it wouldn't have!!!
But all he can do now is wish.....simply wish!!!!

I fuckin' hate her!!

Now this all..has been written in a maths class today...but the person about which this is was sitting behind as they say,i got a li'l inspired!!

Now this,like most of my posts,is about a girl.But unlike any of them,its about a not-so-girly girl,who's been trying to piss my life off since times immemorial.One has positive emotions for some and negative emotions for some,and for her,my emotions are as negative as negative can be.And its not because she has been rude to me or against me or anti-me or anything of that sort,but because of entirely opposite reasons.She has been after me,or to be a little more descriptive,she has been after my heart,my soul,my body and God only knows what,so much that we call her by the name we call her,wont disclose it though,that would be too much of pervertism involved.Thereby controlling my urges to swear at her,i move ahead.

So how does it feel when you have a girl running after you?Great,isnt it?Ohk,now picture this,the girl stinks of rotten potatoes,looks like some bruce lee has just beaten the shit out of her,and still tries to dominate as if you are at the mercy of some Angelina Jolie,how does it feel now?Well,im sure half of you would have had your sense organs malfunctioning by now.For me,it sucks,and it sucks big time.Ohk..How bout this-you're sitting in a class,and bychance,i say bychance because i generally have preset plans to avoid this happen,ok,so bychance,the seat next to you is vacant.Imagine the plight when she comes,sits next to you,and to add to your miseries,tries to keep the distance of closest approach to atomic dimensions.And the best part always is,whatever you're studying(which you generally start doing with she sitting next),she never knows that(too coincidental,isnt it?).

"Oh what are you studying?I havent even read that!Can we do it together?"

"Oh sorry,im closing the book,im not gettin anything!"

"What did you not understand.La main samjha deti hu!"

"N i thought you did not know anything!"


And then,all my religious and spiritual obligations boggle my mind and i start believing in the magic of a prayer."God save my soul",the only thought that prevails in my mind.And thats one thing i want to thank the girl for.Another thing i want to thank you dear @#%* for is explaining the true meaning of love to me.They say you cannot experience true love until you know what hate is,and im sure,whatever i have for you,couldnt have been anything else.Dont you think life would absobloodylutely rock if you have 4 damn years to pass with such a girl?Ohk,now please dont pity me so much or weep at my oh-so-senti story,atleast i dont because i know that is how it is destined to be.The only alternative left is suicide....her suicide,and thats what i'll be trying all my life.Wish me luck!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Emotions Unabated!! the trend goes,lemme tell you I wrote this in a bus....on my way to the campus,n after giving it a'll understand my state of mind go ahead:

SOmetimes words are hard to find,one feels like saying something but is not able to do so,the words do not somehow come out,probably the heart doesn't allow the outflow,some fear haunts the person,the fear of being rejected,rejected by someone one doesnt want to lose,the world seems to be fading away,nothing seems to help,smile is forcefully brought in response to some nice joke so that others do no feel neglected,one can't concentrate on anything,be it the most adored thing one does, a soulful old melody sets the mood,no thoughts about what to do,no dilemmas as to say it or not,day fades away like anything,night is difficult to pass,one feels like trying the most innovative of things,one loves to talk endlessly about things that never mattered,just talk so that the same thoughts do not haunt him again,sleep more so that he doesnt have to wake up to the same melancholy life,doesn't matter to him the sun doesn't even rise,that matters is the moon doesn't set making the difficult to pass nights still impossible,every ring seems like her sms,her missed call,somehow if she would say it by herself and one could just be needed to give an affirmative,life would have been so much easier,and why not,doesn't she have the same feelings,what if she doesn't,how is he going to live the rest of his life,how will he survive,will he be able to do it again ,and that too with the same intensity,the same interest,the same craziness in heart,will things ever turn up his way,will life ever be straight,straight enough to allow a person a stressfree life,a life which he can live without fear,the fear of rejection,what could be the reasons that come in the way,another person,a better alternative,why,is he not good,yes he is but can't there be a better one,but does that mean he won't get anyone,anyone to listen to him,to give him a hug in the most difficult of times,to move her hand over his cheek saying everything's gonna be alright'that you don't need to worry coz i'll be there for you,always,even when nobody is,wont he ever get someone coz a better one would always take her away,isn't anyone made for him,will his life always be the same way it has always been,soulless as he feels so!!!!!!!!!


This one was written in one Physics lecture when i was desperately missing her......n so,here goes my last dedication to her:

A spell being cast,
a momentary shiver,
Slight breeze,
and leaves quiver.
fear lost,
One moment,
at everything's cost.
Never so near,
never so close,
Drops of love,
on the petals of rose.
Abode of clouds,
the heavenly touch,
Not anything known,
the world as such.
A split second,
though miles long,
Nothing's right,
not anything wrong.
But wait,
what has happened to me,
Thy beauties,
I no longer see.
fear again,
No longer,
clouds in sky remain.
The drops gone,
those petals shed,
The trees barren,
the breeze dead.
Be it a dream,
I still will miss,
Coz nothing beats
The First KISS.